So…the other day I was feeling pretty lousy.  (I will not go into why.) I was in the midst of some daily chores.  There was a little dish of peanuts left out from the night before, and I was taking it into the kitchen.  I grabbed the Aleve bottle from the shelf and dropped one into my palm when I noticed what my mother was up to.  She had a new box of garbage bags and a long serrated knife.  She was getting ready to stab the box of garbage bags with the knife because she couldn’t get it to open any other way.

At that point I got officious.  I put down the peanuts, grabbed the knife and the box and from distraction threw the peanut-shaped pill into my mouth and bit down on it like it WAS a peanut.  I forced opened the box just as the caustic flavor and feel hit my mouth.

Let me tell you, that coating on those pills is a wonderful invention.  Biting down on one proved that.  For a few moments I thought my tongue was going to resign, my esophagus was going to scar.  I don’t know what I said.  I know I drank water and milk at a ridiculous speed in a sort of fugue state.  It took hours for the misery to finally subside.

My mom asked if the Aleve helped my headache.  I have no idea.