So…the other day I was feeling pretty lousy. (I will not go into why.) I was in the midst of some daily chores. There was a little dish of peanuts left out from the night before, and I was taking it into the kitchen. I grabbed the Aleve bottle from the shelf and dropped one into my palm when I noticed what my mother was up to. She had a new box of garbage bags and a long serrated knife. She was getting ready to stab the box of garbage bags with the knife because she couldn’t get it to open any other way.
At that point I got officious. I put down the peanuts, grabbed the knife and the box and from distraction threw the peanut-shaped pill into my mouth and bit down on it like it WAS a peanut. I forced opened the box just as the caustic flavor and feel hit my mouth.
Let me tell you, that coating on those pills is a wonderful invention. Biting down on one proved that. For a few moments I thought my tongue was going to resign, my esophagus was going to scar. I don’t know what I said. I know I drank water and milk at a ridiculous speed in a sort of fugue state. It took hours for the misery to finally subside.
My mom asked if the Aleve helped my headache. I have no idea.