It has been too long since I posted anything to this blog. It is not because I have not had anything to discuss. I have. I have. I just haven’t had a MOMENT to discuss, at least in a circumspect way, what has been happening in my life. First, I will begin with a hint.
It’s not gardening. I have bought some plants recently. It’s not even photography, exactly. No, it’s indentured servitude. I am going to be teaching summer school, something that I swore I would never do again after working with it in Deming years ago. I am doing summer school in order to help make our program more effective at placement and completion for all our students who are studying in a second language.
I am also teaching a Senior English section, a job I know will bury me. I have exactly one month to get all the materials and activities lined up and prepared. July will be hectic, and August my regular job will begin again. I will have ten minutes to myself between what I have to do and what I HAVE TO DO. One thing about the yearbook and the coming year, I am becoming more convinced retirement is the thing for me.
It’s funny. I used to have real confidence in myself as a teacher. The truth is I was spoiled. So many students wanted me for a teacher, and so many expressed gratitude for what I did, that I became convinced anyone would want me for a teacher. Not so. Just a couple of days ago, a few friends were telling me they heard a student I had this year referred to me as “mean.” <<MEAN>> Okay. I wasn’t trying for mean, but so be it. I was trying for…well…the best. I have always wanted to be THE BEST TEACHER. For a long time I felt like once I got enough experience and enough training, I would be like that–THE BEST. But, I’m not. I DO my best, but there aren’t any golden apples languishing on my shelves. “Success is counted sweetest by those who ne’er succeed.” I told myself I would retire the moment I got the chance, but it’s my twenty-eighth year, and I’m no closer to being sure I have it right than I was ten years in.
ENOUGH! (moan, moan, moan) I tell you what. I just finished a year that came close to stripping my gears. What next? I have a kid asking me for a favor by e-mail. The e-mail is riddled with errors. I want to yell, “Do you realize you are writing to an English teacher? Do you realize you may as well be forcing me to chew tin foil?” I know. I’m not perfect. No one is. Maybe I should seek to teach this person who clearly needs help. Maybe. Maybe this person needs to hear “no” a little more often. This person clearly was not expecting a refusal. The curt reply to my refusal was clear proof of that. <<MEAN>>
The next time I buy a program to alter photographs, I am going to slap my own hands. I cannot FIGURE how to use them, especially my latest one, called LIGHT ROOM, which does not even offer a SAVE step. What’s with that? My nephew said, “Look on you tube for tutorials.” Fair enough. I did. They taught me all sorts of stuff except where to find and save images. It’s MADDENING. <<MEAN AND INEPT>>
Right now I have low blood sugar. It’s 1800,and I need a cocktail. I don’t plan to be mean with that.